Sunday, December 30, 2007

are we there yet?

it's the end of the year, dear reader. are we where we thought we would be or at least headed in that direction? are we fragmented? are we loved? do we love? are we alone? which parts matter and which parts don't? the news or sunshine? our hands our occupied, but are our minds and hearts? is mine? I love and yet what I feel never feels enough. I think that I am lacking spirituality.
at any rate, let's check back in soon. don't go too far.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Thursday, September 20, 2007

back to this

this tree was torn down. there were two. they are building a 20 unit apartment building. I can't wait to track the traffic.

I completely let this blog go.

I am on disability right now, so I should work on it. I was told that I need to focus it. give it a direction.

I think that I will each day document what I love about this city.

I went on a good hike today and I know that you must be sick of those pictures, but it's really pretty out there. so clear.

Friday, May 11, 2007

fire week

I thought that I would go down to the beach to see what the sky would look like at sunset. I saw part of Griffith park today. real ashy and white. I wanted to hike it, but it seems that the park is still closed. sad I really wanted pictures of it. there were all these weird bugs flying around.

I was rear ended

this chick hit me. she claimed that it was her fault. her coffee slipped. no drivers license. no id. no registration. no insurance card on her. she seemed so nice in a totally bitchy way. she said that she was already running late. blah blah blah. turns out that she has no insurance. I wanted to settle with her, but she just kept getting weirder. apparently her insurance lapsed while she was in rehab. really, she said this.

what's he doing in there?

he's not stupid. he just looks like he is on a mental vacation. like from office space.

he thinks that he's fishing.

Monday, May 07, 2007

one and one and one is three

hi ya,

I am starting to feel better.

I am having a problem right now. I love my mom, but I am so irritated by her. I feel bad. I am judging her in ways I would never want to be judge. isn't it funny how the ones closest to us, get burned the most? maybe that is me. It's making me judge my character... again.
I have 6 more days off. time off is so good. why haven't I figured out my back up yet?

Thursday, May 03, 2007

new york

such a great town. the city is so loud. we had the window open with everything off. we just listened. whistles and heartbeats.
I hope the love for the chain stores and restaurants goes away. how do you know that you are somewhere new? I say that the individual charm still is in the hands of the shoplifters. "unite and take over."

Sunday, April 22, 2007

these are some strange times

I saw this interview on about the US secret army. It's a private organization called Blackwater. So I decided to check out their website. it reminds me of wag the dog. Dustin Hoffman's character wants the credit for his plan, but giving him the credit would give up the secret. so if you go to blackwater's website, they want the credit. this article in their archives scared the shit out of me.

Arab nationalism's last gasp

JUST AS THE demise of Slobodan Milosevic in Yugoslavia closed the lid on national communist parties in Eastern Europe, the demise of Saddam Hussein in Iraq appears likely to do the same for secular Arab nationalism across the Middle East.

And just as communism exited the European stage exposed for what it always truly was - fascism without fascism's ability to make the trains run on time - secular Arab nationalism will exit the stage revealed for what it always was: a despotic perversion of the western nation-state that lasted as long as it did mainly because of secret-police techniques imported from the former Soviet Union.

Arab nationalism's roots go back to the revolt against European colonialism in the early decades of the 20th century. But as it developed, it faced a serious problem: Because it was organized around the artificial national borders that these same colonialists had drawn - which generally ignored ethnic and sectarian lines - the result, in too many cases, was multiethnic rivalry and the subjugation of one part of the population by another.

In Iraq, for instance, the national borders created a state in which the majority Shiites were subjugated by the minority Sunnis (as we all now know). In Syria, the majority Sunnis came to be subjugated by the minority Alawites, who constitute a branch of Shiism (and who had been favored in the armed forces by the French). In Lebanon, it was the Shiites who ended up subjugated by both Christians and Sunnis.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

it's been a while

I really have no excuses. I just haven't been into this. I guess that I feel like I have nothing to say. kind of in a weird mood today. It could have to do with getting drunk last night. do you ever have points in your life when people just go away? it's weird. Like a stench of good byes. maybe working too much shows. maybe it shows a lack of good time. maybe working a lot means that I take myself more seriously. "I am sorry that I didn't go to your house, I am working." that sort of thing. like the ability to take people on a lighter level goes away. it does. I feel so bitchy.

ok, I will stop this. I was in class the other day and the teach was talking about how people just keep repeating a story. so what if you started saying a new story? isn't a story based on a point of view? so what if the vantage point changed. from here I am short, but from here I am tall? I think that I will try that today.

wish me luck.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


I called wamu a few times over the weekend because my husbands account was compromised. All I got were operators in the phillipines. this is very unsettling to me. Why do we assume that different countries would care at all about our financial safety? this is fucked. This is wam's response to my letter to them regarding pulling my account due to the outsourcing my financial accounts. They should ask you if it's ok first. The thing is, this outsourcing isn't saving me any fees at all. ugggh.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Monday, March 12, 2007

calling all angels

where do you think that we are going next? what's next for us? what's ok for us? who is in charge of us? why don't we care? why can't we stop. we likes what we likes and never going back. you want it and have it. when it's gone you will cry, here chicklets and there chicklets everywhere you chick, chick, us chickenlittles.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

appointment in Samarra

There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture, now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me. The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, Why did you make a threating getsture to my servant when you saw him this morning? That was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra

Thursday, February 22, 2007

late night entry from the pot

literally in all senses of the term. Today was a good day. it's weird, when you don't work for three months, going back to work is quite an adjustment. harder than that, is when being at work becomes normal. sitting in the dark becomes normal. pixel fucking becomes satisfying. could be worse, huh karen? yeah it could be. th scary thing is that I think it will be. maybe this change is just what this country needs. hey jerk offs, your job has left the country. maybe, turn off your tv? nah! sit back and watch it nice and filtered. snippets ought to do the trick. more troops in iraq? that sucks! bush still in office? that sucks! who's singing what on american Idol.? how ironic is that? the american idle. I am no saint. I am right here hoping that nothing changes. hoping that the world knows that it's not me that's in iraq. the truth is, it is me in iraq. as we do nothing, nothing is getting done.. is thiss too negative? what shall I say? it's pretty out. I am well. I am married. I am working. I have both of my parents alive. I guess the key for me is to see all that is within all that isn't. would that be considered drawing a negative shape? so all is good. I am here on my laptop, enjoying what is. I really believe the key to clarity in these times is travel. to see that people aren't the same, yet really are. blah blah blah blah blah... in one ear and out the other.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Sunday, February 18, 2007

will rogers state park

was going to say something, but I didn't want to. Deer and stuff.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


...the Bird for a while appear'd lively enough; but upon a greater Exsuction of the Air, she began manifestly to droop and appear sick, and very soon after was taken with as violent and irregular Convulsions, as are wont to be observ'd in Poultry, when their heads are wrung off: For the Bird threw her self over and over two or three times, and dyed with her Breast upward, her Head downwards, and her Neck awry.

last night

la's traffic has made people very mean towards each other. in my opinion. people are getting shtoopid as well.

so I am at rite aide in line and I hear "yersodaspilled." what? I look down the conveyor belt and there was a bottle of soda on it's side spilling all over my stuff. "yer soda spilled." said this 300 lb woman wearing a moomoo and no bra. "That's not my soda." "bob" she says to the cashier, "there's a spill here. it's not mine because I don't drink soda."

I just stood there shocked. bob asks,"is this your soda?"


"you know it's not mine because I don't drink soda." she says.

for the sake of all, I just couldn't get out of this mess fast enough.

Monday, February 12, 2007

I had a dream last night

actually, I had two.

the first one was that I was dying. I didn't want to go the medical route. so I went looking for some thugs and they shot a big silver ball into my arm. it was supposed to make me bleed to death, but skin just grew over it and I still lived.

the second dream was that I was a security guard for a big event. there was a boxing ring in the middle. in walk Tom and Kate and Suri. she's of walking age at this point. I mean suri. ok so when tom walks in, the crowd goes nuts. I am standing right next to them. I can feel suri against my leg. as the crowd goes nuts, Tom raises his arms in the air and lets go of suri's hand. I feel her gone. I mean I literally feel the absence of her presents. I confess this to tom. I woke up just as he was going to give me the blame.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

it is getting hot again

it's funny how some trails are so busy. this one in particular has heaps and heaps of people. perhaps it is because it is pretty or maybe because people like to pay 5 bucks to park. at any rate, it was nice. I was a little snarky as I finally got my red friend after it being a week late. oh well. lots of stuff happening. have you ever had parents on mind altering substances. when you have been the drug addict, it's funny to have the tables turned. never mind any of it.

thank you for stopping by